Another short short that I've been working on. I'd like to flush it out to about 1200 words, where it's at only 750 now, so let me know what kinds of things/events you think could emphasize the ideas better. I have some ideas, but I'd love to hear your suggestions, comments, etc.
Redemption
She says to me, “Why don’t you come in for a little bit?” and I say okay because I think she’s just being nice and all. And then she keeps looking at me all sexy-like, and she scooches on over real close to me, and I’m thinking that she’s not really interested in buying a Bible anymore. I mean, she’s pretty and all-- prettier than just about anyone I’ve ever seen. An’ I woulda liked to give her a kiss or something, but I haven’t sold anything today and I need the money, so I tell’er I ought’a go, and manalive she wants me to stay, but I leave anyway.
Then I get thinkin’ about how Mom used to send Beth off to bed when the sexy parts would come on in movies, and I always thought it was kinda funny how that stuff was bad for Beth but not for Mom or for Gary or me.
The next door’s tall and red, and when I knock, a raspy, lady’s voice says come in. The house smells like sweat and Mom’s lavender Febreeze, and I kinda tiptoe past piles of junky ol’ antiques til I see this big ol’ lady sitting in a big ol’ scarlet throne or something. She’s got these enormous bosoms that just kinda loll around on her big ol’ gut, like Bacchus in our textbooks at the community college, and she’s got these porkchop legs that kinda dribble out from under this dress of hers. Big ol’ kielbasa fingers tap-tap-tappin’ on her chair, and little chocolate chip eyes look me up and down all hungry-like from behind her marshmallow cheeks. “What’ve you got for me, boy?”
