Redemption

Another short short that I've been working on. I'd like to flush it out to about 1200 words, where it's at only 750 now, so let me know what kinds of things/events you think could emphasize the ideas better. I have some ideas, but I'd love to hear your suggestions, comments, etc.

Redemption

          She says to me, “Why don’t you come in for a little bit?” and I say okay because I think she’s just being nice and all. And then she keeps looking at me all sexy-like, and she scooches on over real close to me, and I’m thinking that she’s not really interested in buying a Bible anymore. I mean, she’s pretty and all-- prettier than just about anyone I’ve ever seen. An’ I woulda liked to give her a kiss or something, but I haven’t sold anything today and I need the money, so I tell’er I ought’a go, and manalive she wants me to stay, but I leave anyway.
          Then I get thinkin’ about how Mom used to send Beth off to bed when the sexy parts would come on in movies, and I always thought it was kinda funny how that stuff was bad for Beth but not for Mom or for Gary or me.
          The next door’s tall and red, and when I knock, a raspy, lady’s voice says come in. The house smells like sweat and Mom’s lavender Febreeze, and I kinda tiptoe past piles of junky ol’ antiques til I see this big ol’ lady sitting in a big ol’ scarlet throne or something. She’s got these enormous bosoms that just kinda loll around on her big ol’ gut, like Bacchus in our textbooks at the community college, and she’s got these porkchop legs that kinda dribble out from under this dress of hers. Big ol’ kielbasa fingers tap-tap-tappin’ on her chair, and little chocolate chip eyes look me up and down all hungry-like from behind her marshmallow cheeks. “What’ve you got for me, boy?”

          I give ‘er my spiel and all and she asks if I’ve ever read the Bible, and I just grin and give ‘er my “I don’t read ‘em; I just sell ‘em,” like usual. And then she stands up real slow and her rolls are pretty much swimming all over the place under her dress and she says, “Boy...” and already I’m kinda weirded out. “Have you ever known a woman?” And I’m all confused, and she comes closer and her big ol’ paunch presses up against me an’ she starts sayin’ stuff that’d make a late-night comedian blush, an’ I start kinda backin’ towards the door, but now I’m thinkin’ about Jenny, that brunette from that last house, the one with the curly hair. I get to the door and slip out and hear her thump-thumpin’ towards the porch and hear her calling after me all breathy-like.
          I remember we always used to sit at church and listen to the preacher talk about that kind of stuff, and he’d say you gotta get married before you get on to the hanky panky and stuff, but then dad apparently wasn’t listening much, ‘cause mom’s with Gary now. But I’m thinkin’ about Jenny and how pretty she looked, and it gets me pretty worked up and I kind of feel bad. The guy on TV says you’re not supposed to think about stuff like that ‘cause you’ll burn and all, but then you open up the Bible and ol’ Solomon is still singin’ his songs and the like, and that just makes you think about it more.
          And the apartment walls are too thin and you hear the neighbors, and there’s still that scrap of paper with Jenny’s number on it in my back pocket, but she doesn’t answer for two weeks straight, so I just stop by. The windows next door are all lit up, but Jenny’s are dark, and all I can think about is those long legs and her soft skin, and I keep callin’, but she doesn’t answer so I just keep on dialing her...
          The porch light’s on, but the windows are dark, and the cottonwood puffs are like sparks in the night, all lit up and golden. I jump from my car and swim along the path through the heavy air; and then she’s there, lit up against the doorway, and she smiles, and I don’t care much anymore and I don’t feel bad. Turning without a word, she slips her chemise strap down her shoulder and disappears into the darkness, and my mind’s racing, and I’m thinking about her, about it. And I take one last look at the dark windows over at Jenny’s house before the red door closes behind me and I surrender to the sweet smell of sweat and lavender.